Rain

Photo by Ahmed Zayad on Unsplash

When Don woke up, it was raining.  The water that he ran in the tub sounded like rain chortling out of a storm pipe.  The water that streamed from the kitchen faucet for his tea beat into the kettle like rain on a wheelbarrow left out in the yard.  Rain. Rain. Rain.  It had rained for months.

Don’s mother had died at 10:05 a.m. on the same morning that Don worked his last day.  He was looking forward to retirement, and one thing he would do more was spend time with his mother—playing Scrabble, going out for hamburgers for lunch, driving her past her old house where prolific flowers signaled the change of seasons. 

At 10:06 on the day she died, the rain started.  He had kissed her on the forehead as she lay quiet in her hospital bed, checked to see if she was safe, and slipped out of the room to live the rest of his life without her. 

Claire had managed the funeral and service arrangements which were beautiful.  On the day Mom was buried, the sun came out for a couple hours—just enough time for Mom’s ten children to say their prayers and lay red roses on her casket.  When the casket was lowed into the ground and the earth filled in her vacancy, the grounds men laid the large spray of red roses over the dirt.

Then the rain began again.  It rained while they cleaned out Mom’s room at the assisted living home.  Maddy took all their mother’s clothes home in garbage bags.  A few weeks later, she knocked on Don’s door and handed him a teddy bear.  The bear was blue and green and peach and red, made from pieces of Mom’s shirts, pants, and dresses.  It looked both happy and sad as Don sat it on the couch in his living room.

Soon, the group texts began.  Don shared memories of his mother with his nine siblings every day.  Old memories.  Vague memories.  Disputed memories.  Sunny memories.  Rainy memories. 

Some people in the text posted pictures of what they made for breakfast.  Don posted pictures of his new seedlings and old pumpkins.  He talked about his clocks inherited from Mom and Dad.  Claire posted perfect plates of salmon dinners.  Rita identified the birds that Maddy found in her garden by looking them up in her bird bible.  Beatrice posted old photos of Mom from her twenties when she was thin, before she had ten children. 

The siblings discovered each other again.  Most of them had moved out of town since their childhood, and their communication had been through Mom for the most part.  Through their texts, they found out that Don had the best green thumb, Claire grew flowers but not vegetables, Rita was a bird and owl watcher, Maddie loved wine and dessert most of all, Beatrice was just starting a walking routine, Minnie continuously created new jam recipes, Jim was the handyman at his job, Carol had learned how to play guitar, Ron still told the best jokes, and Geo wrote poetry in his spare time. 

The texts started usually around 7 a.m. in the morning and lasted until the last sibling drifted off to bed.  Good mornings.  Breakfast recipes. Descriptions of walks.  Flower postings.  Loaves of bread.  Jars of jam.  Bowls of soup.  Directions to parks.  Comments on the news.  Revelations about hobbies.  Progress on quilts, puzzles, and charity projects.  Movie recommendations and dinner plans.  All these subjects and pictures streamed between the ten children that Mom left behind.

A few months later, the rain stopped.  The sun came out like a herald of good news, and Don woke up to the birds chirping outside his bedroom window. 

When he wandered out into his living room, he saw his colorful teddy bear leaning over on its side and bent down to sit it upright, and, as he did, the sun blazed through the window and lit up the bear in a shaft of light.

“Let’s go visit Mom, today,” Don said to his bear.  “The sun is out and I know she’ll be happy to see us.”

Half an hour later, after an oatmeal breakfast and coffee with chocolate, Don put the bear in the passenger seat of his blue truck, and drove to the cemetery.

When he got there, the sun streamed like yellow curtains through the oak trees whose branches spread over the graves like kind arms.  The green grass, which covered the shallow hills and valleys, glistened with diamonds of left-over rain. 

Don drove his truck onto the center road and stopped it in front of his parents’ graves.  There they were—lying side by side like happy campers in sleeping bags.  Their gravestone rose from the top of their plots like a crown, and Don noticed that one of his siblings had stuck some colorful plastic flowers into the metal vase in front of the headstone. 

Don knelt down in the middle of his two parent’s plots, reached out, and placed his teddy bear on his mother’s side of the stone near the flowers.

He paused for a few minutes, furrowed his brow, then recited the Hail Mary prayer, and his words wafted through the cemetery like a low whisper.  When he finished praying, he looked up at his teddy sitting quietly.

“You can’t stay here,” he said.  “We’re just visiting.  You and I have to go home and live some more.”

Don looked at the words of his mother’s name on the head stone and the dates of her birth and death.  92 years long.  Somehow, not long enough.

“Thank you for giving me life, Mom,” Don said, placing his hand on his heart gently. 

He reached over, lifted his teddy bear from the ledge beside the plastic flowers, and held the bear against his bent frame.

“I’m always here, Mom, for you, just as you were always here for me.”  Then Don slowly stood up from the ground, brushed the wet grass off his jeans, and walked back to his truck.

When he got into his seat, he checked his phone to see if any of his siblings had posted another message.  A few rain drops fell onto the windshield as he drove away. 

An Old Rose

She was worried about her mother who seemed to struggle to stay present, something pulling her focus away or inward.  Some days she sat in the arm chair by the window, staring straight ahead, her gray-blue eyes lost in deep thoughts. 

When Sestina tried to talk to her, her mother struggled to respond.  “Wait a minute,” she would say, then, with a determined set to her mouth, she’d squeeze her eyes shut for a brief moment, open them wide, and glare at Sestina while she slowly made a lucid response. 

Her mother woke up early every morning, took a spit-bath at the sink in her bathroom, put on her clothes, and combed her golden white curls until she looked neat and ready for an outing.  After breakfast—not a big one mind you—just a piece of bacon and half a piece of toast with butter and strawberry jam—she sat down in the chair by the window and disappeared into her private thoughts.  Her breathing was labored, and she raised her shoulders every time she inhaled, her chest rising slowly, and she exhaled by opening her mouth and releasing a small burst of air.

On Wednesday, while her mother was sitting in her arm chair, Sestina went out to prune the old roses off the rose bushes.  She knew her mother not only loved flowers, but she loved roses most of all, and Sestina wanted the roses to look perfect when her mother looked out the window.   Eight tea rose bushes grew in the redwood planter, a raised bed so that the roses bloomed at the same height as the window.  The planter was about six feet from the window so when her mother looked out, she could see the stems wave gently in the breeze and glow in the sun. 

The yellow rose bush was the heartiest with big blossoms that bloomed like cabbages.  One bush grew lavender roses, medium in size with delicate petals and a hue that took Sestina’s breath away.  Four of the bushes bloomed with various versions of red flowers, each a unique shade of red and shaped petals.  The two white bushes bloomed with the most flowers, always producing plenty of blossoms so that Sestina could cut some and bring them in the house.

Sestina held the kitchen shears in her right hand and pulled back a single stem from a rose bush, looking for the perfect compound leaf of five leaflets so she could prune the dead rose at just the right angle and place to encourage more growth. 

As she made the cut, the daylight intensified into a blaze of light all around her.  Insects’ voices grew loud into a hum like a Gregorian chant, and she heard the wind rush under the wings of a swallowtail butterfly who hovered over a rosebush nearby.  The butterfly glided toward her, waved its wings close to her nose, and she thought that she heard it whisper, it’s time for her, time for her.   Its black face smiled, and its eyes looked deep into hers, speaking wordlessly of love.  She heard the breath of the breeze travel through the petals of each rose, and the scissors snapped the rose’s stem like a clap of thunder.  She heard the leaves of the lemon tree give birth to new cells and buds of fruit.  Then, suddenly, the breaths of the insects and flying creatures, echoes of the growing plants, and pneuma of the wind were silent, and the garden was still.

When Sestina got back to the cottage, she found that her mother had died.   Her face was turned toward the open window and her hands were folded over each other like a final prayer.

Child of Light

That child of mine. 

She was like the black sheep of the family, but that didn’t mean there was anything wrong with her.  On the contrary.  Ever since she was a little girl, she walked like she was floating on air—her feet swishing out from beneath her, her body gliding like a spirit, her head held up and her eyes cast high like she was watching a movie in the sky. 

Little Beth had a heart-shaped face, her blue eyes spaced perfectly apart and framed with blonde eyebrows, her pale rosy cheeks glowing like pink pearls, her plump cherub mouth, and soft chin.  But she was a shy creature and shunned the limelight, so most people didn’t notice her as she peeked into the room around a wall, hid in a corner on a stool, or swung on the swing outside, alone, when the rest of the kids were in the house. 

After Beth turned seven and received her Holy Communion, I walked up behind her to Communion at one Sunday Mass.  When Beth reached the priest, his eyes opened wide as he looked into her face, his hand paused with the wafer above the chalice.  After a frozen moment in time, he said, “The face of God.”

What did he mean?

My daughter stood there with her hands joined together, her fingers pointing to the ceiling like dove wings.  Finally, the priest fluttered his eyes, seeming to compose himself and said, “The body of Christ.”

“Amen,” said Beth, her voice rising like a musical whisper.  She stuck out her tongue and the priest placed the wafer there, then she circled around so I could see her. 

And then I knew.  A spotlight from the ceiling lit up her face, and I saw a glow in her eyes like the sun breaking through the clouds after a rain, radiant globes of love.  A warmth filled my body as she passed me, and I knew from then on that I was extraordinarily blessed to have her in my life. 

The priest’s eyes followed her as she left, and, because he was preoccupied, I also turned around and watched her glide down the aisle like a sail on the breeze.   Quickly, I faced the altar again, but still had to wait for him to recover and remember that more people waited in line for Holy Communion. 

***

My husband and I asked Beth to be the executor of our will.  We asked her because she studied finances in college and we thought she’d be qualified to deal with the mechanics of disbursing our assets. 

Peter died young so he wasn’t around when I started to go blind and I couldn’t write checks, cook on the stove, or drive my car anymore.

Beth told me that it was time that she took care of me.  She helped me move into an assisted living place where three of my friends already lived.  She helped me sort through the sixty years of belongings in my house, found charities to pick up unwanted furniture, hired a gardener to keep the lawn cut until the house could be sold, worked with my realtor, accepted a great offer on the house, and filled my bank account with the money. 

“You have enough money to live for 35 more years,” she told me.  “You saved and scrimped, and now, I’m going to make sure you are treated like a queen.”

I couldn’t see very well, but Beth knew that I could still smell the roses, so every time she came to visit, she brought a dozen roses, a chrysanthemum plant, Easter lilies, Gerber daisies, or an African violet to put on my windowsill. 

I died on a December morning instead of a January afternoon because Beth was beside me in the hospital, making sure that the medical professionals didn’t exceed their zeal in pointlessly extending my life with hoses down my throat, catheters in my neck, and countless blood transfusions. 

She ordered a giant spray of red roses to cover my coffin at the viewing and to decorate my grave after I was buried.  Red roses signify eternal love. 

That child of light of mine.