Tag Archives: confidence

Six Steps Back to Confident

I hate feeling inadequate, unsuccessful, afraid of failure, or irrelevant. But that is exactly how I feel immediately after I read comments about my writing from my editor. Which I did yesterday, a Saturday.

My first reaction to her comments was why was she working on a Saturday and bothering me while I was having a wonderful mother/daughter day? As I read her email of criticism, my chest filled with anxiety and fear infiltrated my whole body. I couldn’t bring myself to open the attached manuscript which contained her specific comments—line by line. My state of mind was so low that I went to bed considering giving up getting published.

Yet, after I fell asleep, I dreamed about how I could revise the story to make it better. I’m a writer down to a cellular level. There’s no escaping it.

When I woke up this morning, I realized that the most important task was to get my confidence back. My writer’s soul needed immediate attention, so I gave up my four-mile walk and took these six steps back to confident.

Allocating Time for Self-Love

I realized a few years ago, that self-love is a crucial part of confidence. I don’t just “find” time for it, I “allocate” time for it. Sometimes, I spend an hour dedicated to self-love, and other times, I spend ten minutes. In any case, it is the first step I take to empower myself.

This morning, I decided to start my morning with self-love. I made a cup of tea and found a place to be.

Doing Something Joyful

Joy is also a part of confidence. When I experience joy, I know I’m valuable enough to deserve it. One writer I know goes for walks. Her joy comes from the breeze in her face and the smells of the flowers. Another friend bakes cookies or bread, filling her kitchen with happy warm and yeasty smells.

I found joy this morning by sitting in a rocking chair on my patio surrounded by my roses, hydrangeas, and gardenias. As I sat, drinking my tea infused with honey, I noticed that the patio tiles were littered with leaves and twigs from the neighbor’s tree. So, I got a broom, swept it, and put the debris in the trash. I also used the broom to clear cobwebs off the solar lanterns on the fence.

Swishing a broom across a floor reminds me of Cinderella and how, after putting her broom in the corner, she dressed up in her ball gown, met her prince, and lived a happier life. I store my broom in a corner of my patio. It represents “renewal.”

As I was sweeping, I saw flower bushes that needed deadheading, so I found clippers and pruned them. Then, once again, I sat in the rocking chair to admire my clean garden. I admired the various pink hues of the flowers and how they complimented the green grass and bushes. I lingered upon the gazing ball and watched how the sun turned it into a prism of rainbows. Bees and tiny orange butterflies flitted from flower to flower, and a hummingbird whizzed through the branches of the mock strawberry tree. The beautiful scene sank into the pores of my skin and filled my body with the love of nature.

Nourishing my Belly

I’m lactose intolerant, so if my belly isn’t comfortable, I’m out of service. Nourishing my digestive system affects my brain, my heart, and my writing soul.

One writer I know eats a carton of ice cream to feel better. Another writer friend eats chocolate. Me? This morning, I ate two pieces of seed bread with mashed avocados on top. It was filling and nourishing to my sensitive stomach. My stomach seems to be the foundation of my well-being.

Taking a Shower

When I look good, I am a better writer. After I found joy in my garden and nourished my belly, I took a warm shower. I didn’t just use water and soap to refresh my body. I used a loofa to scrub my skin soft and facial soap for cleaning my pores. After showering, I lathered my face and body with lotion until I felt renewed and adequately pampered.

Reading Positive Comments about Myself

When someone says I’m friendly, I feel great. If they point out a sentence of mine that they love, I feel fabulous and talented. So, what I did after my shower was to open my editor’s attachment that included her detailed comments. I skimmed over her recommendations and found places where she had complimented me on phrasing, wonderful word choice, or sensational sentences. As I read, the weight in my chest lifted and I no longer felt that she thought I was an inadequate writer. I couldn’t be if I could type out these incredible lines.

Writing Something that I Control

By this time, I was ready to tackle my editor’s criticism and start revising my novel. But I decided to do one more thing —write something that I could publish on my own; therefore, I wrote out this blog. I’m going to post it in just a few minutes, and after I do, I’m going to feel like I’ve accomplished something even before lunchtime.

My confidence is back.

Character Study: Isabelle

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I walked up to the double doors of the attractive white building.

I had been retired for only two months, but had committed myself to joining this philanthropy group already. Was I sure I wanted to do this?

I straightened the collar on my jean jacket. Was I underdressed? Overdressed in my long skirt? I stood in front of the door and peered through the glass. The room was full of women. Was I late?

I twisted the door knob to pull the door open and stood just inside, wondering where to go or what to do. Two women were sitting behind a table as if they were signing people in, so I walked up to them.

“Hi, I’m Isabelle Perle. I’m becoming a member today,” I said, smiling so hard that my dimples hurt.

“Isabelle, we were expecting you. Welcome,” said the woman with a short gray bob haircut. She looked down on her sheet, found my name on the list, and put a check mark next to it.

Another woman walked up beside me and the second woman behind the desk, who had brown hair, looked up at her.

I saw some blank paper name tags on the table.

“Should I wear one of these?” I asked.

“Yes, please write your first name and stick it on your jacket. We’ll give you a magnetic name tag once you become a member,” the gray-haired woman replied. I noticed her green name tag with the name “Peggy” etched into it.

“Isabelle, let me introduce you to some of our members,” Peggy said, standing up and coming around to the front of the table. She lightly held my elbow with her hand and led me farther into the room where women were sitting on chairs that had been set up in concentric half circles, facing a podium. A 40-inch video screen hung on the wall above the podium.

The room’s walls were painted in a light gray shade, and white moldings framed the floor and the ceiling. The wood floor looked clean and shiny as if it had just been varnished. I relaxed my shoulders, and Peggy led me to a woman with blonde hair who was speaking excitedly to someone.

“Lynn, this is Isabelle. She’s becoming a member today,” Peggy said. Lynn stopped talking and turned around, her eyebrows arched in animation.

“Well, another member. More hands. Welcome Isabelle. We certainly are excited to have you join us.”

Gee, everyone was so nice here. I didn’t expect that.

Lynn introduced me to Carolyn and Maria who were standing nearby. I nodded my head saying, “Nice to meet you both.”

As Lynn continued talking with Carolyn and Maria about a future work day at the food bank, I stood by with my hands by my side, nervously rubbing the pads of my thumbs with the sides of my index fingers.

Working at a food bank sounded interesting.

I had always liked donating food during the holidays at work when the company brought in the food barrels. For years, I had gone to Target to buy 10 to 20 sets of salt and pepper shakers as donations. Providing seasoning seemed like a great addition for families that had little money to spend.

Lynn spoke with confidence about the food project. I admired how she stood up tall and spoke with assurance and decided she would be someone I would like to emulate.

Later, Lynn and I sat down beside each other as the president called the meeting to begin. We stood up for the Pledge of Allegiance and then sat down to hear about the various philanthropic activities happening during the current month. Lynn announced the food bank work day, and I memorized the date and time of this event. Again, she spoke with clarity and poise. I raised my eyes to watch her speak.

After covering the philanthropies, the president asked the membership director to come up and introduce me as a new member. Lynn patted me on the back, gently pushing me up and out of my chair.

I bit my lip and swallowed, knowing that I’d have to say something about my background and interest in the group. As I walked up beside the podium, I pictured myself as Lynn—confident, well-spoken, and graceful.