Philanthropy – Tess Perko's Blog

How to Meet Stimulating People in Retirement

Retirement can be lonely.

People who are used to working with a diverse group of people may miss that dynamic social network. For example, I worked as a professor at a community college. Every day was filled with fascinating interactions with numerous college students full of young energy and ambition. After I retired, I missed my students’ vigor and spontaneity. I also missed the intellectual conversations I had with other professors whose goals were aligned with mine.

Individuals used to engaging with technological advances may miss those challenges. A software programmer I know felt bored when he retired from his technical job. He also developed anxiety that he would become out of date.

Medical workers such as doctors and nurses who strive to care for others often miss the opportunities to help their patients. When they retire, they may find it difficult to focus solely on their own needs instead of the needs of others.

Retirees often face loneliness due to the changes in their families. When they retire, they no longer have their parents or children available in their lives on a frequent basis. Their parents may have passed away, and their children may have become adults with busy careers and families of their own.

This blog post addresses how retirees can avoid loneliness and achieve a socially-satisfying retired life with stimulating friendships and meaningful activities.

Take a Class

One way to meet people with the same goals is to take a class on a subject that interests you.

I’ve always wanted to become fluent in another language, so when I retired, I found some adult education classes that taught Spanish. I started this activity during the pandemic, so the classes were held online. When the pandemic ended, the students, who are mostly retired, voted to keep the classes online.

I began taking Spanish 2 and now I’m taking Spanish 4 with many of the same students I’ve known for two-and-a-half years. During class, we were in groups a lot, so I’ve even more familiar with four of five people with whom I’ve worked. Besides helping each other learn Spanish, we share our hobbies, family news, backgrounds, and travel adventures as we converse. Sometimes, we have even helped each other with technical problems relating to the class. Furthermore, a few of us meet outside of class to strengthen our Spanish conversation skills while we enjoy a cup of coffee or have lunch together.

My community offers a variety of classes for seniors including courses about Medicare, computer skills, line dancing, and yoga. My town also organizes social outings for seniors such as trips to theaters, local public gardens, or historical monuments.

One of the most interesting classes I’ve taken is a class on movie directing. In the class, attendees watch movies by specific directors and then discuss the techniques used in the movies. I found this class not only relaxing, but intellectually stimulating.

Join a Philanthropy Organization

Individuals who love to contribute to their community can find many opportunities to do so by joining a philanthropy.

One of my retirement goals was to help financially disadvantaged students. I joined an organization which raises money for college and vocational scholarships. In fact, I’m now the chairperson of the scholarship committee which gives me many opportunities to interact with high school seniors and college students. I also manage the production of a scholarship luncheon at which we award our scholarships.

A woman with a degree in gerontology and psychology volunteers on a county committee that develops transportation options for senior citizens. She interacts with a variety of county agencies and uses her expertise to develop worthwhile programs.

A woman who retired as a buyer for Safeway now works at the county food bank, sorting food and organizing bags for distribution. She enjoys talking with the management about sources of food and how best to store them.

Hang Out in a Bookstore

One of the most stimulating places to hang is a local bookstore. The bookstore in my town always has its door open even when it rains. Its display tables and shelves are chock full of the latest books or books recommended by its staff.

When I looked up this bookstore’s website, I found out that it has a mailing list so that customers can stay abreast of the store’s activities. They invite authors into their store for readings, arrange readings at various schools, and …

The store also sponsors eight book clubs. One is for mystery readers. Another is for wine drinkers. On Wednesdays, a book group meets at 10:00 a.m. and goes for a 45-minute walk while discussing their book. Another meets at a local assisted-living home. Obviously, this book store aims to please all of its potential readers.

Find a Social Group

The goal of some retirees may be to socialize as much as they can after working hard in a career.

In my area, there are men’s groups known as Sons in Retirements (SIRS). This group is organized into various chapters. Each chapter caters to the interests of the men in that chapter. For example, the chapter to which my husband belongs offers a wine club, golf, book clubs, hiking, and bocce ball on a weekly basis. The group also sponsors monthly lunches with speakers, a spring lunch for spouses, and a Christmas Dinner Dance for couples. My husband had never played Bocce Ball before joining this group, and now he never misses a game.

My local town offers Mah Jong and Bridge socials. If you belong to a country club, they may also offer games such as poker or other card games.

In the San Francisco Bay Area, retirees have lots of options for hiking and walking. My philanthropy organization sponsors a hike once a month. I found a MeetUp group for seniors that hikes on various open-space trails. I even found a MeetUp walking group that focuses on interesting walks in Berkeley, Oakland, and San Francisco.

The best thing to do is to pursue activities that you enjoy. While you’re doing those things, you’ll meet like-minded people. Don’t be shy. Reach out and develop stimulating friendships.

Character Study: Isabelle

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

I walked up to the double doors of the attractive white building.

I had been retired for only two months, but had committed myself to joining this philanthropy group already. Was I sure I wanted to do this?

I straightened the collar on my jean jacket. Was I underdressed? Overdressed in my long skirt? I stood in front of the door and peered through the glass. The room was full of women. Was I late?

I twisted the door knob to pull the door open and stood just inside, wondering where to go or what to do. Two women were sitting behind a table as if they were signing people in, so I walked up to them.

“Hi, I’m Isabelle Perle. I’m becoming a member today,” I said, smiling so hard that my dimples hurt.

“Isabelle, we were expecting you. Welcome,” said the woman with a short gray bob haircut. She looked down on her sheet, found my name on the list, and put a check mark next to it.

Another woman walked up beside me and the second woman behind the desk, who had brown hair, looked up at her.

I saw some blank paper name tags on the table.

“Should I wear one of these?” I asked.

“Yes, please write your first name and stick it on your jacket. We’ll give you a magnetic name tag once you become a member,” the gray-haired woman replied. I noticed her green name tag with the name “Peggy” etched into it.

“Isabelle, let me introduce you to some of our members,” Peggy said, standing up and coming around to the front of the table. She lightly held my elbow with her hand and led me farther into the room where women were sitting on chairs that had been set up in concentric half circles, facing a podium. A 40-inch video screen hung on the wall above the podium.

The room’s walls were painted in a light gray shade, and white moldings framed the floor and the ceiling. The wood floor looked clean and shiny as if it had just been varnished. I relaxed my shoulders, and Peggy led me to a woman with blonde hair who was speaking excitedly to someone.

“Lynn, this is Isabelle. She’s becoming a member today,” Peggy said. Lynn stopped talking and turned around, her eyebrows arched in animation.

“Well, another member. More hands. Welcome Isabelle. We certainly are excited to have you join us.”

Gee, everyone was so nice here. I didn’t expect that.

Lynn introduced me to Carolyn and Maria who were standing nearby. I nodded my head saying, “Nice to meet you both.”

As Lynn continued talking with Carolyn and Maria about a future work day at the food bank, I stood by with my hands by my side, nervously rubbing the pads of my thumbs with the sides of my index fingers.

Working at a food bank sounded interesting.

I had always liked donating food during the holidays at work when the company brought in the food barrels. For years, I had gone to Target to buy 10 to 20 sets of salt and pepper shakers as donations. Providing seasoning seemed like a great addition for families that had little money to spend.

Lynn spoke with confidence about the food project. I admired how she stood up tall and spoke with assurance and decided she would be someone I would like to emulate.

Later, Lynn and I sat down beside each other as the president called the meeting to begin. We stood up for the Pledge of Allegiance and then sat down to hear about the various philanthropic activities happening during the current month. Lynn announced the food bank work day, and I memorized the date and time of this event. Again, she spoke with clarity and poise. I raised my eyes to watch her speak.

After covering the philanthropies, the president asked the membership director to come up and introduce me as a new member. Lynn patted me on the back, gently pushing me up and out of my chair.

I bit my lip and swallowed, knowing that I’d have to say something about my background and interest in the group. As I walked up beside the podium, I pictured myself as Lynn—confident, well-spoken, and graceful.

Character Study: Ellie

I asked Vicki if I could stop by to visit one of her book club meetings to see if I wanted to join.

“Sure, Ellie, come join us. We’re having a tea party since this month’s book is set in England. We read The Mystery of Mrs. Christie by Marie Benedict.”

Wow. Are their meetings always this fancy? Does each member have to host?

I hadn’t read this book, but I’d seen the movie version and enjoyed it. I thought I’d be able to contribute something to the conversation. And I loved Marie Benedict’s books. I had read The Personal Librarian and Carnegie’s Maid, both historical stories based on true stories. Also, I had loved tea parties every since I lived in England as a child. I eagerly accepted Vicki’s invitation, arriving at her house promptly at 4 p.m.

Three cars were already parked along the pristine curb of the affluent neighborhood. I parked my car across the street. As I sauntered up the paved driveway, I admired Vicki’s front rose garden in full bloom. Red, yellow, white, and even blue roses stretched their petals up toward the warm afternoon sun. Around the edge of the garden, the miniature boxwood hedges were perfectly groomed. A stunning clematis vine with a profusion of purple, pink, and white flowers covered a trellis near the porch. Furry bumble bees danced from flower to flower.

Vicki’s door was a single white paneled portal with a brass acorn knocker. I pushed the doorbell and heard it chime inside. Instantaneously, footsteps approached, and, when the door opened, Vicki smiled, took my hand and pulled me in.

Several women were gathered in the kitchen around bottles of champagne and glasses. Some wore sun dresses and others had on sleeveless blouses with capri-length pants. The chatter was lively. All of these women were members of the Winona Women’s Club, a philanthropic organization, which provided scholarships to college students and conducted a variety of other charitable activities such as coat collections for the homeless and food donation drives for the local food bank.

I had been a member of this group for two years, but I didn’t know anyone except Vicki. I stood at the edge of the circle of women quietly, a pleasant smile pasted on my lips.

Vicki asked if someone knew how to open a champagne bottle. I volunteered. Maybe it was a good way to become involved in the group. I grabbed a dish towel, untwisted the wire over the cork, and covered the cork with the towel. Then I twisted it. Pop! It came loose without any spillage. A few women cheered, and I proceeded to pour the champagne into glasses and pass them around.

After I had poured for everyone and held a glass of champagne in my own hand, I introduced myself to a few women, told them I was visiting the meeting for the day. They were welcoming and encouraged me to join.

Soon, Vicki instructed us to take our drinks into the dining room where her table was decked out in a lace tablecloth, English bone China, and an abundance of roses from her garden. Tiered plates held triangle sandwiches, tiny sausage rolls, petit-fours and chocolates. Small platters displayed warm scones. Two bone China sugar bowls held clotted cream and teeny dishes offered strawberry and orange marmalade jam. Queen Elizabeth would have been delighted.

I noted how similar Vicki’s taste was to my own. Obviously, we were both rosarians, me being an amateur compared to her. I chose a seat in the middle of one side of the long table and sat down in a cushioned chair. The rest of the chatty women eventually all found places. Vicki brought in another chair and place setting for the last woman to sit down, and she took her own seat at the head of the table.

The dining room opened up to a large living room that had a gigantic etagere dark wood bookcase. Photographs of Vicki, her husband, and children on safari; in front of the Taj Mahal; standing on the deck of a yacht; and posing in front of the Eiffel Tower. In-between the photographs were a marble bust of the Virgin Mary; a colorful vase that had to be Murano glass from Venice; and a pair of wooden masks coated with streaks of red and green paint.

But the most unusual part of Vicki’s collection were the heads that she had placed at the very top of the etagere. A Chinese soldier. Buddha. Confucius. A woman who could be the Egyptian Queen Nefertiti. In all, twelve heads stood on their necks, spanning from one side of the furniture to the other.

Vicki had lived. She had traveled far and wide. No wonder I was so enthralled with her. She was undoubtedly full of stories and knowledge.

I twisted my head to watch and listen to Vicki, hopefully my new friend, as she used her silver spoon to get everyone’s attention.

Female Philanthropy: Feeding Ukraine Refugees

When I retired, I joined a local women’s philanthropy group, Alamo Women’s Club (AWC). This non-profit organization has been in existence for over 100 years, but what I liked about it was that they give scholarships every year to high school graduating seniors and community college single parents; however, this organization has come to mean so much more to me.

The members of AWC work hard on philanthropy, but, while they’re working on the Annual Authors’ Faire or the quarterly jewelry sales, they develop respect for each other and form new friendships.

One of the women organizes charity work that can be accomplished in a single day. For example, last year, AWC collected coats and clothing for the One Warm Coat Drive in partnership with the Rotary Club of San Ramon Valley. They put out signs and emails in the community and opened the clubhouse doors to accept donations. After a day of sorting, packing and working together, the club had collected over 2,100 items. The event was over in just one day.

Last Monday, I joined another of these events at Kids Against Hunger in Pleasanton. Eight members showed up at 10:30 in the morning. Three women from a local company were also there to work, so the eleven of us got started.

Kids Against Hunger sends packaged food to places around the world where children have little or nothing to eat. Our packages would be going to Poland where Ukrainian refuges needed food.

Before we started, we put on hair nets and cleaned our hands with sanitizer. No cell phones or purses were allowed near the food.

The eleven women worked in four teams. Three women filled printed bags with dehydrated vegetables, soy protein, vitamin powder, and rice. The next worker weighed each bag to ensure it would meet the shipping requirements. She then sealed the top of the bag with a manual sealing machine. After ensuring the bag had no leaks, she placed it in a bin next to her.

When the bins were full, another volunteer replaced the full bin with an empty one. She took the full bin to the boxing station and filled a box with the sealed bags. The box was then taped and labeled for shipment.

We worked 45 minutes and then the head volunteer asked us to take a break to watch a video about the organization. In the video, we learned that Kids Against Hunger was started by an engineer who noticed the great number of children around the world living without adequate nutrition. After consulting with scientists and nutritionists, he created a recipe for a packaged meal to send to these communities. The only ingredient they need to add is water. Each package feeds 6 people a nutritionally-balanced meal. One man in the video who worked with children in Haiti thanked California volunteers for their contribution to the Haitian children.

After the video, the eleven of us got back to work—talking, commenting on the efficient process, and getting to know each other a little bit better. By the time we had put in another half hour of labor, we had packaged enough food for 2,808 meals.

Our hearts were fully satiated.

Female Philanthropy

Photo taken by Peggy Fleming

This is the story of 69 women who dedicate themselves to improving their community.

Every year, for the last 87 years, the Alamo Women’s Club (AWC) has given scholarships to college-bound students. For the last several years, they have offered $5,000 scholarships to single parents who are attending local community colleges and to students who have been emancipated from the California foster system. They also offer financial-needs scholarships to local high schools, but that topic is for another blog post.

How do they raise money for these scholarships? Well, in creative ways. First of all, every October, AWC hosts an Authors’ Faire to which they invite five to six authors to speak at a catered luncheon. The authors sell more books and AWC makes a profit on the event.

Most importantly, for raising money for scholarships, AWC collaborates with a local senior group to collect unwanted used jewelry, both precious and costume. Four times a year, AWC sponsors jewelry sales to which they invite the public. They’ve raised over $200,000 from these sales so far.

Most of these AWC women are retired, but in no way inactive. The organization has a five-year-plan for growth and an updated website for both members and the public. They attend business meetings one Wednesday a month and social luncheons with speakers for another Wednesday a month.

Most of all, however, these women work hard on philanthropy. The Author’s Faire takes a boatload of women to recruit new authors; choose a venue with great food, sufficient parking, and reliable service; and orchestrate the luncheon. A crew of women set up the jewelry sales. Others help sell it, and another team packs it up for the next event. While they’re working, they discover common interests and develop new friendships.

The AWC Scholarship Committee started its work last September. First, they contacted the Contra Costa community colleges and Youth Homes (for emancipated foster children) to notify them about their scholarships.

The important thing about offering scholarships is getting the information to the students. AWC’s Scholarship Committee worked hard to stay in contact with the counselors of each school and to ensure that students could access the scholarship information on AWC’s and the schools’ websites. For example, as soon as AWC received the first application from Diablo Valley College, they wrote an email to the counselor thanking her for her work. This continued all the way up to the due date.

Meanwhile, the Author’s Faire was a resounding success with over 200 people in attendance, and the jewelry sales earned money bracelet by bracelet.

In March, the Scholarship Committee chose ten single parents and one former foster child to receive $5,000 scholarships. The recipients were chosen for their financial need and their dedication to continuing their college education. Several were nursing majors and the former foster student wants to become a programmer. If they can stay in school despite their financial hardships, they can all become successful.

Immediately, the AWC members started planning the Scholarship Luncheon. One group chose the caterer. Another arranged for the table decorations. A kitchen crew covered the tables with tablecloths and set the China and silverware. A video was developed to honor the Scholarship Committee and the recipients. Finally, a cake was ordered and decorated with the words We Are the Champions!

The Scholarship Committee created and ordered a new banner to hang outside the clubhouse that said Congratulations to our 2023 Scholarship Recipients! They also designed and ordered the programs, arranged for members to greet and escort the scholarship recipients throughout the luncheon, and hosted the presentation of the certificates.

On that special day, over 70 people came together to celebrate boosting the success of students who may not otherwise achieve it. The recipients came with their guests and sat with the AWC members for lunch. They received their certificates and shared their stories. The women were all smiles and the recipients blushed with gratitude.

One of the students stood up to tell her story of single parenting. She ended her speech by saying that, for her, the scholarship was more than just money. It represented support and new friendships, gifts that would last a lot longer than money.

The AWC members nodded their heads. Philanthropy and friendship were natural companions.