Struggling to Revise My Novel

Photo by Ann Fossa on Unsplash

I took two years to write the first draft of my novel. Not bad. Then I asked a good writer friend of mine to read and critique it.

Boy did she. She not only gave me comments about wordiness, redundancy, perspective, and verb tense, she also lent me a book about plot.

My friend’s critique was exactly what I needed. I suspected my plot needed work. Now, after reading and rereading the book she lent me, I’m certain my whole novel needs a major revision.

I’m not talking about little changes here and there. I’m talking about taking down the whole church and rebuilding it with most of the old bricks and some new ones.

Luckily, this epiphany struck me in December, just before the holidays, when I could convince myself that it was o.k. to take a break from writing my novel. Still, I continued to fixate about it while I attended holiday luncheons, Christmas craft sales, girlfriend gatherings, choral concerts, The Christmas Carol at a local theater, and festive dinner and dance parties.

In fact, this blog post is one way that I’ve been avoiding revising my book. It’s easier for me to think of blog ideas than it is for me to start rewriting the plot, so I’ve successfully added several more posts during the holidays.

The book my friend gave me was about writing plots for screenwriting, so I bought a similar version of the book that focused on novels. In a nutshell, both books promote the idea of creating a beat sheet, a type of outline for the plot that includes certain characteristics such as an opening image, theme, and a catalyst. One way to create a beat sheet is to post index cards on a bulletin board with scenes for each part of the novel. An online program is also available for a fee.

I cleared a bulletin board that I have upstairs so I could use it for this purpose, but my writing desk is downstairs. After several days of thinking about how to arrange the board and buying color-coded index cards, I concluded that my beat sheet needed to be close to my computer. This led me to create my own version of a beat sheet using Microsoft Word table features. I even typed in some notes for each section. For example, for the opening scene, my main character is with her sick mother in a chemotherapy lab.

I’m struggling with the theme of the novel, which I think means that I still don’t fully understand the point I’m trying to make. Is the story about my character’s grief? Is it about her growing up? Is it about healing? My head hurts.

Another aspect that I struggle with is writing about a character who acts immature or angry because she is hurting. Emotionally, I’d rather write about a person who has her act together and makes positive decisions. Stories, though, need problems to solve, and I need to immerse myself in my character’s problem while she is learning to overcome it. It’s a painful process for me.

Writing about an imperfect character makes me feel vulnerable. My secret fear is that if I write about someone who makes poor choices, my readers will think I have experience doing the same. I do have experience making bad decisions, but I don’t really want that fact discussed at book clubs.

I’m coming to the conclusion that to be a novelist, a writer has to develop a thick skin. She has to be tough enough to take criticism from anyone while, at the same time, realizing her unique ability to write about people and how they navigate life.

Not everyone can do this. If they could, people would be writing on their laptops instead of browsing on Facebook or Amazon. They’d save money. The world would be quieter.

It’s almost New Year’s, and one of my New Year’s resolutions is to revise my novel. In January, I have to get to work, whether I’m ready or not.

I know I’ll have to start writing an imperfect revision because I know I’m still struggling with my novel’s main theme. I need a way to proceed even while feeling like I’m wandering around in a dark alley where I can’t see around all the parked vehicles.

You know, I’m just going to accept that I may never publish this novel, but I’m going to revise it anyway. Someday, I’m going to have a second draft. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be a better story than I have now.

I’ll just get the biggest flashlight I can find and step into the alley.